Welcome to the He-Man Martha Haters Club
Today the queen of all Media was released from prison and gay men and housewives the world over breathed a sigh of relief. Martha Stewart was sent home (for seven months) at just after midnight. Martha’s legion of anxious fans are hungry for news of her terrible ordeal in the big house. Was she raped by a renegade prison guard? Who’s bitch was she? Was her cell color coordinated? Perhaps the most burning question of all, was she made to stand naked with a hood over her head while prison guards threatened her with guard dogs and pointed at her genitals? And what kind of centerpiece do you put on the cafeteria table?
We celebrate Martha’s release with the launch of our new blog, Mike’s Guide to Manly Living or, as we like to call it here at Mike’s, “The He-man Martha Haters Club” (you can visit our more general blog, Mediagrouch, at mediagrouch.blogspot.com). Right now we are at Blogspot, but we will probably move to a new host and our own URL before long.
In addition to being a stone cold bitch, Martha Stewart is the antithesis of masculinity. Her soft, pastel, frills and flowers lifestyle has been draining this country of its virility for too long and, like a dose of Cialis, Mike’s Guide is here to inject maleness back into America. We stand for everything Martha does not: honest stock trading, bold colors, fast cars and loose women. In other words, manliness.
Of course we will attempt to fill the void Martha has created. Watch this space for helpful decorating tips for men, excellent recipes for barbecue and how to spice up canned foods, what cigar goes best with what whiskey and updates about NASCAR racing.
Men of the world unite! Martha Stewart and her myrmidons have been emasculating you for far too long. This space is the Fight Club of the internet. We are taking our masculinity back starting today.
Congratulations on your release, Martha. Welcome home.